How to Be a Cool Loner
It’s common for people to view being cool and being a loner as two entirely different things. You can be either one or the other, but not both. This isn’t true! You can be both, but it does require a little work on your end to pull it off. Once you learn how to navigate the situation properly, you’ll be free to enjoy both sides of your personality.
Enjoy your own company.If you want to be cool and a loner, you have to be OK with being alone. It needs to be a choice that you make willingly, because you truly do like spending time by yourself. Perhaps you’re an avid reader, or a frequently inspired artist, or an athlete that enjoys solo cross-country sports. Maybe you just like the quietness of being alone sometimes.
- Whatever your reasoning is for being a loner, it has to be a choice that you make freely.
- If you're a loner but you don't want to be, that's a very different problem.
Smile.A genuine smile can communicate a lot to the world, but mainly, it shows other people that you’re happy, confident and comfortable.Even better, it’s been scientifically proven that smiles really are contagious.Your smile will set off a chain reaction of other smiles, and all of these people will associate positive feelings with you – without you ever having to say a word. No socializing required!
- When you’re trying to be both a loner and cool, this is one of the easiest and most immediate ways to get there.
- Direct eye contact will make your smile even more impactful while also projecting confidence.
Ignore gossip.Some people aren’t going to understand your loner side, and they may gossip about you. This isn't always going to be the case, but if it happens, don’t let it affect you. A big part of being “cool” is not allowing other people’s thoughts and actions to affect your self-image negatively.
- Nothing can hurt your feelings unless you allow it.
- You don’t need anyone's acceptance or approval.
Find your internal sense of self-worth.Validation doesn’t have to come from external sources. Set goals for yourself and quietly start working toward them. Stay motivated. The sense of accomplishment you’ll feel when you achieve a personal goal will be more meaningful to you than the admiration of others.
- You don’t need to set tons of lofty goals for yourself. Small, every day goals are just as important as large ones.
- You don’t need to be accepted by everyone in the world, but it is imperative that you accept yourself.
Make interaction somewhat challenging.You don’t want to be outright rude to people, but being social shouldn’t seem like it comes naturally to you, either. Avoid approaching others for conversation – let them come to you. It’s okay to seem a little standoffish and maybe even brood a bit.
- When you are approached, avoid looking eager to socialize.
- Appear distracted when others approach you to chat, and you can even try acting slightly annoyed about being interrupted.
Respond with cryptic answers.When people ask you questions, be brief with your answers. Don’t offer up a lot of personal information. You don’t want to be completely off-putting, but cool loners aren’t talkative or social people. After you have a conversation with someone, you want them to feel intrigued. They should want to know more about you.
- It can be a little tricky walking the line between being cryptic and being rude.
- The easiest way to go about it is to be vague with your answers.
Avoid letting anyone get to know you too well.If you want to give off a mysterious air, you can’t be too easy to get to know. Interact with others, but keep these interactions relatively brief and leave them wanting a little more. Everyone should have a couple of close friends, but you should also make it a point to avoid spending a lot of time with too many people.
- Don’t offer up very much personal information.
- When you do, make sure that the information is interesting.
Be likable but reserved.The key is to be friendly, but not overtly so. When everyone is your friend, you're “cool.” When no one is your friend, you're a “loner.” Therefore it makes sense to have only a handful of close friendships, while also being well-liked by your peers in a general sense.
- If you’re unfriendly and turn most people off, the “loner” reputation is going to stick, but definitely not the “cool” one.
- Being a disliked loner is an unpleasant position to put yourself in, so try to avoid it.
Find your own niche.When it comes to close friends, quality is far more important than quantity. Find a small group of people who you identify well with, and who make you feel good about yourself. Even having just one or two people in your inner circle is perfectly fine.
- Make these special people your closest friends and confidants.
- Everyone needs a close friend or two, even loners.
Avoid total isolation.There is nothing cool about completely isolating yourself, and the person it will most harm is you. It’s not good for your mental health and will most likely destroy any confident or happy vibe you were trying to put out into the world.
- Don’t miss out on the social experience of life completely.
- Find a balance that works for you.
Hanging Out Solo
Entertain yourself.You don’t need a group of friends to go to the movies, visit a museum or have brunch at a new restaurant. All of those things can be just as great when you’re by yourself. Contrary to popular belief, having fun does not depend on the presence of other people.Treat yourself just like you would a friend – do nice things for yourself. Go out and have fun!
- This doesn’t mean you should do everything alone, of course.
- That can actually zap most of the fun out of hanging out solo. Try to find a balance.
Learn new things.Spending time by yourself might get a little boring if you don’t seek out new knowledge and activities. Consider your interests and then look into ways you can learn more about them. Get a book, surf the internet, attend a class – whatever it is that gets your brain fired up, that’s what you should aim for.
- Immersing yourself in a new hobby has a way of getting you interested in learning even more new things, since the experience is so gratifying.
- Dive in and see where your interests take you!
Keep a journal.When you spend a lot of time alone, it can limit your emotional expression. However, it’s extremely important for your health and well-being to find ways to express your emotions. Keeping a journal is one very effective method.
- Try to set aside at least 10 minutes each day to write in your journal.
- Write down your experiences, organize your thoughts, and sometimes, just vent.
Get a pet.Companionship is good, and it’s not always necessary to find it in other human beings. With a pet that you love at your side, it’s hard to feel truly lonely. Furthermore, pets have real and measurable effects on your well-being and health in general.
- Any pet you're drawn to will work, although some are more interactive and emotionally gratifying than others.
- Dogs and cats are common choices for pets, but don't feel limited!
QuestionI want to be a loner, but what do I do if someone talks to me and wants to be my friend?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTalk to them! Being a loner doesn't mean being completely alone. Having a few close friends - even just one or two - is very importantThanks!
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